All of us are different. Your idea of success may be different from mine. But there is one big factor which all of us must learn to deal with if we are to be successful and happy. The one common denominator to all success and happiness is other people. Various scientific studies have proven that if you learn how to deal with other people, you will have gone 85% of the way down the road to success in any business, occupation, or profession, and about 99% of the way to personal happiness. Merely getting along isn’t the answer. What counts is a way to deal with people that will bring us personal satisfaction and, at the same time, not trample on others’ egos.
Human relations is the science of dealing with people in such a way that our egos and their egos remain intact. And this is the only method of getting along with people that ever results in any real success or satisfaction. The reason 90% of people fail in life is a failure to deal successfully with people. Look around you. Are the most successful people those with the most brains, or the most skill? Are the people who are the happiest and get the most fun out of life so much smarter than the other people you know? If you will stop and think a moment, the chances are that you will say that the people you know who are the most successful and enjoy life the most, are those who “have a way” with people. Your personality problems are your problems with other people. There are millions of people today who are self-conscious, shy, and ill-at-ease in social situations.
They feel inferior and never realize that their real problem is a human relations problem. It never seems to get across to them that their failure as a personality is a failure in learning to deal successfully with people. There are almost as many who, at least on the surface, seem to be the very opposite of the shy, retiring type. They appear to be self-assured. They are “bossy” and dominate any social situation they are in, whether it is the home, the office, or the club. Yet, they too realize that something is missing. They wonder why their employees or their families do not appreciate them. They wonder why people do not cooperate more willingly; why it is necessary to continually force people into line. And, most of all, they realize in their more candid moments, that the people they are most anxious to impress really give them the approval and acceptance they crave.
They attempt to force cooperation, loyalty and friendship; to push people to produce for them. But, the one thing they cannot force is the thing they want the most: they cannot force people to like them. They never really get what they want because they have never mastered the art of dealing with people.
As far as basic principles are concerned, people are all the same. Yet each individual person you meet is different. If you attempted to learn some gimmick to deal successfully with each separate individual you met, you would be faced with a hopeless task. Influencing people is an art, not a gimmick. When you apply gimmicks in a superficial, mechanical manner, you go through the same motions as the person who “has a way”, but it doesn’t work for you.
The purpose of this book is to give you knowledge based upon an understanding of human nature: why people act the way they do. The methods presented in this book have been tested on thousands of people who have attended my human relations seminars. They are not just my pet ideas of how you should deal with people, but ideas that have stood the test of how you must deal with people. That is, if you want to get along with them and get what you want at the same time. Yes, we all want success and happiness. And the day is long past, if it ever existed, when you could achieve these goals by forcing people to give you what you want.
And begging is no better. No one has respect for, or any desire to help, the person who constantly Kowtows and literally goes around with his hand out, begging other people to like him. The one successful way to get the things you want from life is to acquire skill in dealing with people. Read on and you will learn how. Understanding The Human Ego Because the human ego is such a precious thing to its possessor, and because a person will go to such extremes to defend against what he perceives as threats to his ego, the word egotism has a negative connotation.
Let’s look at the other side of egotism. If it can cause people to do silly, irrational and destructive things, it can also cause them to act nobly and heroically. What is egotism anyway? Edward Bok, an editor and humanitarian, said that what the world calls ego and conceit is really a “divine spark” planted in man, and that only those who had “lighted the divine spark within them” ever accomplished great things. Whatever name you want to give it: human dignity, personality, or uniqueness…deep within the heart of everyone there is something that is important and demands respect. Every human being is a special, individual personality, and the most powerful drive in any person is to defend this important something against all enemies.